Anna turns 4 Months

      I'm waaay behind in writing this.  As you can imagine, my life is crazy and Anna keeps me quite busy.  This leaves little time for much else.  Before you know it, she'll be 5 months!

      The problem with babies is that just when you have what makes them happy or calm or laugh figured out, they go and change the rules and they give you the look of confusion as if to say, "Mom, that's so last week.  I've moved on.  Get with the program."  However, once we do find the newest thing, the happiness is absolute.  Anna definitely keeps us on our toes.  It's just incredible how fast she's grown and quickly she's learned new things.  I swear she changes with every blink of an eye.

      After she rolled over just a few days shy of turning 3 months (on Mother's Day no less) she rolled a few more times that week and then decided she was done for awhile.  She would continue to roll to her side, but that's as far as she went and I didn't expect more than that.  Then after a few weeks, she apparently wanted to give it another try and we now can't put her down on the ground without her trying to roll over onto her tummy.  This makes diaper changes all the more difficult of course....especially poopy ones.  Blech! At first, she would roll over and remember how much she HATED tummy time and start freaking out.  So we'd put her on her back again, but just as quickly she would roll back to her tummy.  Every once in awhile we'd leave her there so she could get use to it, but my mommy guilt would kick in and I caved.  Soon, it wasn't that she didn't like being on her tummy so much as she was frustrated that her attempts at movement got her nowhere.  Well, at least not very far.  Her squirming consisted of her smacking her face down to the ground and wiggling her bum and legs.  Quite adorable, but not very effective.

      I'm afraid we must have sheltered out little lady love too much because when she encounters people  other than Ty and I, she gives them this blank stare as if she's sizing them up or wondering what the heck they are doing.  Every once in awhile she'll flash 'em a smile, but mostly they are reserved for mommy and daddy.  Don't get me wrong, I love being her favorite, but I don't want to her to be too shy around everyone.  Especially since she's so adorable, all need to be in on the fun she is capable of creating. 

      We decided to head to Moses Lake for Memorial Day weekend and that was probably the roughest time she's ever had.  Nap times were ridiculous and she hadn't been acting like our happy little girl for about a week.  Ty and I were stressed to the max.  On Monday, when we went home, we decided to stop in Othello for a bit to hang out with Ty's family.  At some point, something set this poor little girl off and she began a screaming fit that lasted the better part of 2-3 hours.  Ty's dad did some muscle testing for her and found a flood of things.  We decided to feed her early and she promptly fell asleep.  She was better the next day, but still a bit cranky.  However, that night I had developed a clogged milk duct and during a pumping session I became very sick, very quickly.  I earned myself a fever and took a hot bath to help relieve it.  I felt so out of it, but continued to pump more frequently than usual to get rid of the clog.  The clog lasted for about a week and a half and though it's gone, it helped lower my already insufficient supply, on the affected side.  It seems that that duct is now closed for business.  My supply did go back up, though it's still behind what she's eating.  Needless to say, I'm anxiously awaiting the 6 month mark.

Some things we are loving about Anna:

- Her smiles are a constant joy and getting her to smile is my favorite game.  I love that when she gets placed with someone else, she stares at me until we smile at each other.  It's like we have secrets jokes no one else knows.

- Her laugh.  Oh my goodness, the giggle fits she goes into are so fun and her laugh is contagious.  Daddy's still best at getting her to laugh and finding all her tickle spots, but I love listening in.  She loves when you laugh with her, it definitely helps to keep her going. 

- Sleep...pretty good.  Still 6-8 hours, sometimes more if we're really lucky.  We finally started putting her in her own bed at night and during nap times.  The first night I died a little on the inside.  I missed having her next to me so much and was worried I wouldn't be able to tell if she was okay.  I've gotten better, but I still miss waking up to her smile.  

- She has started really loving her tongue and sticks it out whenever she's happy and being goofy.  It's so funny. 

- She loves to do crunches.  She's a big fitness fanatic.  ;)  Just kidding.  She's really trying to sit up and loves it when I help her to sit up or stand. 

-This one isn't necessarily about her as much as it is this new stuff we've been using to treat her head (and now body) of the eczema.  It's called Yoreganics Bye Bye Balm.  Love it!  We saw results right away and it's not as greasy as the coconut oil alone.  We actually ran out and by the next day you could tell.  I definitely made sure to order more.

Some things we aren't loving so much:

- Though we love seeing her smile and laugh, it's IMPOSSIBLE to get her to do it on camera.  As soon as it's within her view, she's stops everything and just stares at this strange contraption pointed in her face.  Getting a picture of her smile or a video of her laugh is quite the accomplishment if it does happen.

- Baby throw up.  It's not awesome. 

-She sleeps well when she does sleep, but getting her there, at night in particular is just crazy.  She can be in her swing or her bouncer and have finally fallen asleep, then as soon as we pick her up, awake.  We put her in her swaddler and had to make sure not wake her then.  It's funny, we could be watching something and it could be loud, but she wouldn't wake up.  You lift her out of her swing and bam, she's awake.  Ugh.

My Favorite Baby Items Newborn to 4 Months

      Though my daughter is only a few months old, I've been able to get a lot of hours worth of use out of certain items.  These have become my favorites/can't-do-withouts.  You might be able to go without them or think they are silly, but these are what have worked for us and I'd like to make mention of them for future reference. (All links to these items are attached to their respective pictures.)

Baby Connect (Activity Tracker) app:

      The veteran moms will probably laugh and think I'm such a silly first timer, but I don't care.  This app has saved my sanity.  It tracks EVERYTHING.  Eating (nursing, bottle, for older kids solids), pumping, sleep, diaper changes, doctors appointments, weight, height, length, milestones, the works.  It will even give you graphs of your data and show you the amounts entered in each day.  My favorite feature is the reminder alarms.  I like to be reminded when I need to pump and when Anna needs to eat.  You can get the app for your iPhone, iPad, Android or you can go to the website.

Arm's Reach Cosleeper:

      From the beginning, I wanted my baby to sleep close and to be able to form that bond right away.  I loved (she just moved into her crib in her own room...I died a little) being able to look over at her in the morning and see her beautiful smile when I said, "Good Morning."  I really did love waking up to both my loves every morning.  Though I didn't love getting up in the middle of the night sometimes, it made it easier to take care of her right away with her being right there.  Due to my need to recover and lack of ability to do much other than feed Anna, Ty had her on his side of the bed for the first week or two.  Both of us agree that we were glad we had the cosleeper and and that she was so close to us.  This also collapsible so it has been great for traveling.  The pouches on the side were great for holding ready diapers and wipes and the bottom held the bigger supply.  It was annoying to break it down and dealing with all the locks and such, but I've kinda got the hang of it so that it takes about a minute.

First Years Close and Secure Cosleeper:

      Another cosleeper?  Why yes.  We used this to elevate Anna when she was still a little tiny.  My mom used it and put it on the futon when she would take her for the night while she was here helping out.  She loved it.  This also folds up and making it, too, great for traveling.  If we had a King size bed, we would definitely use it to put her in the middle.  My favorite thing about it is the little night light at the top.  It also makes for a great changing pad.

Snug & Tug Swaddler:

      This was a purchase suggested by my mom because of how well the one my sister-in-law uses for her kiddos worked for them.  I never really gave much thought to swaddling.  Anna has always loved having her hands close to her and we've encouraged it, however at night she can swat at herself and wake herself up.  This means that mommy and/or daddy wakes up.  Once we figured out how it worked, which really turned out to be super easy, we put her in it every night and haven't had trouble with her waking up earlier than she normally would.  The velcro makes it really easy to wrap and hold together without worrying that it will come undone.  That being said, no swaddler is immune to the wiggly-houdini hands of a baby.  For the most part though if you make it tight enough there should be no escapes.

My Breast Friend Nursing Pillow:

      In the beginning, I thought I was going to be an exclusive breastfeeding mother.  Things didn't turn out that way, exactly, but while I was breastfeeding I loved it.  It lifted Anna high enough and I really like the back support it offered by wrapping around me.  The pouch in the front was great for holding Lasinoh and the nipple shield in between feedings.

Fisher Price Papasan Cradle Swing:

       I love, LOVE, this swing.  Hands down one of the best things we bought.  It really is great for her to hang out in while I get things done and she swings away and watches the pretty lights and butterflies above her head.  Anna loves it!  It really helps to get her to give into sleep when she's fighting it.  The great thing about this swing is that you can adjust it to swing back and forth or side to side. 

Fisher Price Calming Vibrations Bouncer:

      Ours doesn't look quite like this and it doesn't have the bar with the danglies, but it's basically the same type.  This is the second best way to get her to calm down or fall asleep.  At first she wasn't a fan of the vibration option, but I think she grew into it.  She definitely loves the bouncing though. 

Moby Wrap:

      A friend gifted me the Evenflo BabyGo carrier and we've tried a few times and neither us or the baby cared for it.  It just seemed difficult to figure out.  The Moby, however, was really simple.  Anna loves being wrapped up close and snuggly.  Especially when she was brand new.  In the beginning, THIS was definitely a guarantee that she would fall asleep.  Can you tell that was a big deal?  Haha.  She is always very secure and leaves my hands and arms available to get things done.  

Aden & Anais Burp Cloths:

      Nobody likes baby throw up, well any kind of throw up for that matter, but it happens and there really isn't any way to avoid it.  Burp cloths are a must.  Of all the ones I have, the Aden & Anais ones are THE best.  They are super absorbent and large.  I really love the way they curve in the middle so it fits nicely on the shoulder.  When she is older they can be used as bibs with the help of the little snaps on the ends.  I have three of these and so wish I had more.  I got them on Babysteals.com for a bargain.

 Simple Saline Spray:

      The first time Anna became congested, I kind of freaked out.  I didn't know what to do and how to help her get over that.  I used the suction bulb, but it just didn't seem to do much.  Then I did some researching and remembered that my brother and sister-in-law gave us this stuff (actually it isn't the baby kind, but seemed to be just fine).  I enlisted Ty's help with holding her down so I could spray and suction with better ease.  Anna hated the experience, but eventually sort of got used to the routine.  Lay down while daddy holds her still, mommy sprays the saline up the nose, wait a little bit, then mommy uses the suction bulb to get out any mucus possible.  By using the saline spray, you can actually get the bulb further in (because apparently you're supposed to go as deep as you can) and get more accomplished.  I firmly believe this helped relieve her congestion much quicker than normal.  The saline itself helps to fight off infection and virus.  All-in-all, I will definitely always have this stuff handy.

Escali Baby/Toddler Scale:

       This was a Zulily purchase and I have not regretted it, though it was a bit of a splurge.  I love being able to check her weight at will and it's incredibly accurate and easy to read.  It works a lot like a kitchen food scale in that you can adjust the unit type, tare, and memory.  I really like the tare feature so that I can lay a blanket down and it doesn't count towards her weight and she can be warm.  Once she's old enough, the cradle portion can be removed and she can stand on a small scale.  I love using it!

Breast Pumps

This was definitely deserving of it's own category.

Phillips Avent Manual Pump:

      When we first started with breast feeding, I wasn't sure my milk was coming in and if Anna was getting enough from me (something that would later be proven).  So we decided to get a manual pump because the one I had bought at a garage sale wasn't giving me any suction (that's the next one).  Ginger had suggested the Avent bottles and so we went with their manual pump.  It took a little getting used to, but eventually I got the hang of pumping and was able to get the suction I needed to produce.  Turns out what I needed was the massage cushion with the five petals to help initiate the let down.  This was a great benefit, but manual takes a lot of effort and my hands were killing me by the end.  Also, it seemed like the bottle kept untwisting somehow and I had to keep checking it to make sure it stayed in place. 

Medela Single Deluxe Breast Pump:

      At some point, I had had enough of the manual and thought I'd give the electric one I bought at the garage sale a try.  At first, it was the same story as before and I didn't get any suction.  Then, I decided to put on the massage cushion and whoala!  Finally, I didn't have to keep doing it the hard way.  It really was great to finally not have to manually pump anymore. 

Phillips Avent Massage Cushion for Let Down:

      After awhile of pumping, I was finally able to not need the cushions, but like I said, in the beginning it was completely necessary for me and are good for those of us who are flat or inverted.  Though they are Phillips brand they fit on all of my Medela breastsheilds. 

Medela Pump in Style Advanced Breast Pump with On the Go Tote:

       As great as the electric pump was, it was still a single.  Doing one side at a time was taking a really long time and it was starting to wear on me.  Ty and I discussed it and agreed that a double pump would be a great investment because I would still be using it for awhile and then it would come in handy with any future children.  BEST DECISION EVER!!  It, obviously, takes half the time and when we go somewhere it's really easy to pack up and take.  I highly recommend it if you are in the market.  

      It's important to note that a lot of the regular baby items were thrifted by garage sale or craigslist.  Just because it's your first doesn't mean you should spend an outrageous amount of money.  Nearly all of Anna's clothes are hand-me-downs.  Not like she knows.  

      I hope this might be of some help to someone.  If not, it was good for me to get it all down so I can remember for the next little one.  What are/were your favorite things to use for your baby during the first four months?  I'd love to compare since these are the only things I've used so far. 

Anna is 3 Months

      My baby is constantly getting bigger and it's out of control.  I love it though.  I love seeing what new things she can do and discover.  I'm getting a little bit better at getting things done, though I'm sure it will still be a struggle as long as I have kids in our home.  Ty and I decided to start trying to lose weight together and I'm loving having a buddy in that area.  After giving birth and losing that weight I started gaining again and all too swiftly for my liking so I'm taking action.  Really the best part of it all is that now we're eating normal meals at a fairly decent time.  My husband is much pleased.  We both have already lost weight and it's very motivating.  I love weigh-in days that are positive!  Well, negative....you know what I mean.  :)

Some things we are loving about Anna right now.

-  Her smile.  I just look at her and say "Hi" and she flashes a huge open mouthed, toothless grin and squints her eyes happily.  This will cause me to continually repeat the salutation multiple times without fear of sounding repetitious. 

-  She started laughing and it's infectious.  Daddy can get her to laugh the best though.  He has his magic ways.  For me she'll laugh when I make her clap her hands.  She goes into giggle fits and it's hilarious. 

-  She rolled over for the first time on Mother's Day from her back to her tummy and stayed there for a little while, then rolled to her back.  I was so excited!  She's done it a few other times since then, but I'm trying to remember she does it when she's ready.  She does roll to her side a lot and looks like she's attempting to go all the way, but can quite make it. 

-  Baby talk is adorable.  I love it when she has conversations with me or her little toys.  Her new best friend is a bumble bee with a ginormous body that hangs in her play gym.

-  Since my last post she hasn't had one single  open air leak during a diaper change!!!  We are so pleased with this.

-  Thumb sucking has become her new norm and coping mechanism.  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  Somewhat torn to be honest.   I give her the pacifier, but it doesn't stay in for long and she quickly resorts to finding other means.  The most often used is her thumb.  Considering how quickly she falls asleep when she finally comes into contact with it I'm willing to let it slide, but I'm trying to figure out how to break her of the habit.  As a former serial offender of thumb sucking myself, I know this can be quit difficult.  But I must say, it's pretty adorable when she does it, too.

-  When she's in her bouncer or her swing, she tries to sit up.  It really looks like she is trying to do a variation of a sit-up.  The look of effort on her face as she lifts up both her legs and her head is priceless.  No matter how many times she is unable to do it, she tries, tries again.

-  She gets really riled up and starts kicking and throwing her arms around.  I'm not sure if she's excited or just gets herself worked up.  Either way, it's adorable. 

Some things we aren't loving so much right now.

-  My poor little darling has had nothing but skin problem since she was born.  First the baby acne, then horrific cradle cap.  Now baby eczema.  She has more than likely inherited dry skin from her daddy, so I shouldn't have been surprised that this should show up, but seriously can't catch a break here. 

-  Scratching her face continues and I HATE it.  I really have to remember to trim her nails regularly or her poor little noggin' gets cut up.  Even when I think I've trimmed down as far as they'll go, they still can do some damage.  

-  Throw up....'nough said.  

      I'm a typical American and I love to call Anna by nick names I've assigned her as terms of endearment.  The ones I use most:  Baby, Miss Moo, Punkin, and we still love to call her Squeaker.  

Anna's Blessing Day

      We decided to go to Moses Lake for her blessing so that the majority of family wouldn't have to travel.  Easter weekend gave us a great opportunity to have a bunch of family there and for them to meet our darling little love.  She was definitely a favorite and was loved by all.  She got passed around a little too much for my taste when I wasn't around, but she came out unscathed and never ended up getting sick so I can't complain too much. Her cousins LOVED her and couldn't wait to hold her.  Our nephew, Jacob, was really interested with her.  He has a younger sister now who is almost a year and I think he's is interested in these little being that are actually smaller than he is.  Here's a video of him trying to hold her.  He's so gentle and cute.



      Funny story about Jacob:  When I had gone into the other room to pump, I was of course covered, and he was in the room playing.  So, when I turned on the pump, he looked over at me and asked, "What is that?".  I told him it was a machine that helped me make milk for the baby.  Well, that got him all kind of interested and he wanted to see how this worked.  I lifted the cover just enough for him to see the milk dropping into the bottle and he LOVED it.  He would lay his head down on the couch so he could just hang out and watch it drip.  When his mom came in the room he ran over to her, pointed to me, and said, "Mommy, she's making choclat milk for da baby!".  Haha!

      We actually managed to get to the church a little early and I noticed the bishop wasn't there and wondered if the counselors were aware of the blessing.  I figured they would at least be able to figure it out since there we were with a brand new baby in a white blessing dress.  We waited  and realized they didn't know.  During Sacrament, my mom wrote on the back of a small flyer letting them in on our plan and it was sent up.  He gave my dad a nod and we thought were good to go.  Then, towards the end of the Sacrament Ty took Anna out to be changed since there was a stinky surprise in her diaper and that wasn't something we wanted to leak out onto her dress.  Both of our moms asked me where he was going since they would be doing the blessing soon.  I didn't think it would take long, but apparently he had to change her onsie (the dress was fine, thank goodness) and that was task in and of itself.  When one of the counselors got up to announce the rest of the meeting he mentioned the note, but only talked about the Relief Society activity the flyer was for.  Nothing about the blessing.  Oh dear.  We were resigned to think that if we couldn't get the message across, we would just end up doing it at my parents house.  Eventually, my dad was able to get the attention of the counselor and Anna was able to be blessed at the end of the meeting before the closing hymn.  Everyone thought that it ended up being a great way to end Sacrament Meeting.  Including Anna.  At the end of her blessing, when Ty lifted her up for all to see, she stretched out her arms triumphantly.  We all got a kick out of it.

       The cap didn't end up being used during the blessing, but when I put it on later for pictures it completed the outfit perfectly.  SO CUTE!  I was sad I didn't do it earlier.  It also helped cover up her cradle cap.

      Ty gave her a wonderful blessing, especially the part that talked about us knowing how special she is.  She really is a blessing and a light in our lives.  We enjoyed being in Moses Lake, being with family, and having everyone meet out little one. 

Anna is 2 Months

      We love our little baby girl.  She is definitely the apple of our eyes.  It's amazing how she continues to grow and progress.  Every day she gets cuter and more beautiful.  Of course that's just my completely unbiased opinion, but she's pretty much the cutest baby that ever lived.  I'm in love with everything about her.  How could you not love this face?

      Being that she's my first one, I'm still kind of struggling to figure "it" out.  "It" being life with a baby.  How does anyone ever get anything done?  I almost feel like I'm doing double duty because even though my milk supply is up, I'm about four ounces behind what she's eating so I pump and then feed her.  Timing is everything with that.  So far, I've been working with a single pump, but I just bought a double so hopefully this tedious process can speed up a bit once that gets here.  Oh I hope.  Right now, I'm working on borrowed time to get things done while she is napping, wiggling on the floor, or with her daddy.  Thank goodness he works from home.  I don't know how I'd do it without him.  We make a pretty good team.  I love my partner.

      My freezer meals are gone and I'm struggling to remember to prep something.  Our nutrition is definitely lacking of late.  Hopefully, I can get my mind running again so we can have a decent meal at a decent time.  Wouldn't that be nice.   Anna however, is not suffering and is eating like a champ.  We finally figured out the right amount for her and she's eating every 2 1/2 hours, which makes for a nice little chubby cheek baby.  I love it.  Though it's still funny to me that her three cousins (one of which who was born on the same day) are all in 6-9 month close and she's barely reaching the limit of the 0-3 month outfits. 

      Some things we are loving about Anna right now:

- Still sleeping 6-7 hours.  There have been a couple of occasions where she got woke up randomly in the night, but then slept for a good while after.  I decided to stop pumping in the middle of the night and just wait until an hour or two before she wakes up and I feel much better because of it. 

- Her smiles and almost laughs are so enchanting!  Getting her to smile is my favorite game.  In the morning when she wakes up, just before getting her out of the co-sleeper, I lean over her and say, "Good Morning" and get the biggest smile in return.  Mornings become so much better because of that.  Another favorite is when she's on her blanket on the floor by herself and she thinks I've abandoned her and gets fussy, I come back and let her know I'm still close and she gives me a smile to show she's so pleased.  LOVE!  Ty loves her little indignant cough and when she flashes smiles in her sleep.  

- She still coos, but they are starting to turn into different sounds.  She's also using her tongue more to make sounds.  I can't wait for her to improve her communication.  Baby talk is adorable.

- When she gets really excited she pumps her foot.  It's like a Jersey Shore fist pump, but with her foot.  We have nick-named her Thumper because of it. 

- She sleeps best when she's on mommy's chest.  If she's in a deep enough sleep, I can transfer her to daddy or a warm blanket, but otherwise moving off of me is non-negotiable.  I can't say I hate the cuddling.  :)

- When she stares at me while eating from her bottle or in her daddy's lap.  I like to pretend I'm her favorite person.  ;)

      Some things we don't love so much:

- Her baby acne is gone, but it was replaced with the worst cradle cap anyone had ever seen.  It was really bad.  We couldn't do anything but put coconut oil on it and wait for it to go away.  Okay, confession, I picked at it some, but for the most part there really was nothing we could do.  We couldn't scrub it or  use the baby brushes because that irritated her skin terribly and put her in a lot of pain.  It's finally gone now, though there is a little bit of dryness going on and we still use the coconut oil for it (seriously LOVE that stuff).

- I almost always have to be holding her or having her in the bouncer for her to be content.  Getting anything done is just about impossible.  Unless I can hand her off to Ty it can't happen.  I'm hoping that she is finally getting better about being on the ground or in her swing for long enough for me to do things.

- She doesn't mind being on her back on the floor and wiggling, but tummy time is almost non-existent.  I'm a little concerned I coddle her too much and I'm not allowing her to get enough of that time in because she absolutely hates it.  Suggestions please!  I let her be on my chest so she can lift her head and she does a pretty good job of holding her head up, but obviously has room to grow.

- Nails.  Ugh.  I trim them one day and two days later there long enough again for her to scratch her face.  I could definitely do without that.

- In line with that, the scratching and roughing up her face.  She goes kind of nuts and doesn't understand that if she takes her binky or goes to sleep she'll feel a lot better.

- Peeing outside of her diaper....like while in the middle of being changed.  It's been happening a lot less, but from time to time we still have to change an entire outfit because of it.  

      All-in-all, Anna is a really great baby and we are so lucky.  She's my little buddy and I'm so happy to have a great bond with her already.

My daughter, the model.

Typical Myspace self-portrait picture.

What Four Years Has Brought Me

      Four years ago I married my best friend of all time.  In four years I've gained a husband, a partner, the greatest love I've ever known, having that love amplified which I never thought was possible, most recently a beautiful daughter who looks like her daddy.  Now that we have our loveable, yet time and energy consuming munchkin, I'm even more appreciative of the years we had to ourselves.  However, with our little addition I also have been able to see my husband become a father and a doting one at that.  I've seen Ty with our nieces and nephews before so I'm not unaware of how good he is with children, but there's something different about it being our child that makes my heart skip a few beats to see him love her.  On top of that he is a wonderful helpmeet.  With my recovery taking it's sweet time, combined with low milk supply, I've had to lean on him for extra support to take Anna when I need to "make milk" for her or actually do something about the state of our house.  I can't forget to mention the support I received from him while I was in labor.   He certainly rose to the occasion.  I lead an incredibly blessed life and a lot of that is due to Ty.

      The last four years seemed to have flown by, but at the same time it seems like forever ago.  We were almost different people then and have grown together since.  Better, stronger and more in love.  I hope my daughter (and any more who decide to join our family in the future) someday finds a husband as wonderful as her daddy.  I love him so much.  He saves me every day from unhappiness.  I lean on him so much for strength and he so willingly gives it.  He's my favorite. 

    Ty, I love you and am so grateful you chose me to be your wife.  That you let me be quirky and weird and strange and love me for it (or despite it, whichever you prefer).  Thank you for always giving me what I need and being my best friend.

Anna is 1 Month Old!

      I can't believe I'm a mother to a one month old.  I can't believe I'm a parent!  It's impossible for me to not look back on the last four years and think about how much we longed for a child and suffered with infertility and a miscarriage only to end up having to learn patience and come to this point.  It makes me reminiscent of this post from almost two years ago.  Look where we are now.  We have a daughter.  A little person.  We are no longer simply a marriage.  We're a three person household. With the addage of our daughter, the house has certainly increased in activity.  I'm either feeding, pumping, calming, or holding Anna.  If I'm able to find even 30 minutes where I'm not taken over by baby duties, I make attempts at cleaning and cooking.  Thankfully, I still have freezer meals that have been keeping me sane.  I honestly don't know how I'd even get to a point where I could put together a full meal. What am I going to do when they are all gone?  I suppose we'll have to survive on PB&J.  Ty won't mind.  :)  Speaking of whom, Ty has been amazing and I'm so thankful he works from home and is willing to help me during the day.  It's been a great blessing.  When I need to "make milk" for baby, he's able to watch her, unless he has a meeting.  He's such a great daddy.  Seeing him with Anna melts my heart into a puddle of goo.  It's incredibly precious.

      At her one week appointment she had lost 13 oz. since her birth, where she weighed 8lbs. 15oz.  This worried me a bit considering how much that was in such a short period of time, but because it was just outside of the range of concern Ginger said it was fine.  Now that we have a better understanding of how much she was getting from breastfeeding and have made the switch to supplementing with formula, she's made up for her lost weight.  At her three week appointment she weighed 8 lbs. 9.5 oz.  Since Ginger is out of town this week, but still wanting to see how much she's gained, I decided to weigh her with me on  my .1 lb. increment scale.  The difference was 9.5 lbs.!  That's some pretty amazing progress.  It's absolutely evident by her increasing chubbiness and ever-growing appetite.  It makes me very happy and proud.

      Some things we are loving about Anna right now:

- She can sleep up to 6 to 7 hours at night.  This is quite nice, but I'm still up during the night because I try to pump at least once or twice.  Then, just making sure she's okay keeps me awake.

- Her cuteness is constant.  I can't get over her and her little movements.

- When she stretches, she does this "Superman" move where she straightens one hand forward like she's about to take off.  Adorable.

- The cooing.  Oh the cooing.  I die every time.

- Her fake smiles.  I know they aren't legitimate yet, but they give me the happies regardless and I can't stop smiling after she rewards me with one.

- I'm convinced that she is a Physical Touch love language.  She is calmed and falls asleep easily when she is touching skin.  It's very sweet and I hope this means that she will be a great cuddle buddy.

      Some things we don't love so much:

- I, especially, HATE baby acne.  It just makes me sad.  Particularly because there really isn't anything you can do about it.  I can't wait for it to go away.

- Open air leaks.  Ty has had these encounters most often, however, I've definitely experienced my fair share.  Many outfits had to be changed due to them getting peed on.  Along with this, blowout diapers....not awesome.

- Baby cries are cute.  Baby screams are horrible.  It never fails that if she sends herself into a screaming fit, my eyes well up with tears and we are both unhappy.  We don't experience this very often now that we know how much she's eating, but from time to time when she's decided she's still hungry past what she has already eaten, it happens.

      This month went by so fast (and at times not fast enough), and I can't wait for her to be blessed soon.  It will be so great for so many of our family members to meet her and swoon over her adoring cuteness.  We do on a daily basis, so it's only right that we let others share in our exceeding happiness.

Pospartum Recovery & Struggles

      When I delivered my little bundle of joy, I sustained some tearing of skin and a small amount of muscle.  Immediately following the delivery I was pretty swollen in that area.  All of this provided for an interesting recovery.  I took Arnica tablets for the swelling and Ibuprofen for the pain.  I spent the first week resigned to my bed, other than my trips to the bathroom, which were quite unpleasant.  My midwife's assistant made up some Comfrey tea, which was mixed in equal parts with water and used with my Peri bottle.  Standing was awful and I didn't for the first day (I crawled to the bathroom and back).  When I finally did stand, all of the organs and innards that had been shoved up by my growing baby and her placenta, slowly made their way down and that was certainly uncomfortable and cause me to have shortness of breath.  Not to mention the strain it put "down there".  I would walk around a bit for as long as I could last and then get back into bed.  For the first week the only nurturing I was able to give to my little daughter was breastfeeding and occasionally, I would even just hold her for holding her sake.  It was slightly depressing, but I knew that there wasn't anything I could do since I needed to make sure I was healing properly.  Luckily, I have an amazing support team.  Ty took off a week from work and did a wonderful job with her and I loved seeing him interact with Anna.  The co-sleeper was put on his side of the bed and he sacrificed sleep to make sure she was okay and woke me when she needed to eat.  My mom spent two weeks with us while I recuperated and she was amazing to have around.  Holding Anna when needed (or even not, she loves this baby :) ), fixing meals, cleaning, doing laundry.  She even sacrificed a few nights to watch our little girl so we (mostly Ty) could get some sleep.

      Before Anna arrived, I think I assumed my mom would only need to be here for a week and then we could give it a go on our own.  However, my recovery was a little more complicated.  Some of the swelling I was experiencing was not going away and I was still having a difficult time doing much.  Sitting up was painful and I could only stand for so long before that hurt too much and I'd have to go back to laying down.  I loved having my mom here for the extra time, but I hated the reason for it.  After some thought, I decided to use Tucks pads since I had read and heard from many other women how much they LOVED them during their recovery.  Now with my own experience under my belt, I will be making sure I have a good stock beforehand.  This helped in lowering the swelling, but by my 1 week appointment, it was still there and I was using a pillow to sit on, when I did sit.  Ginger made the suggestion of pricking the area and releasing the swelling.  I was up for trying anything at that point so we went ahead and almost immediately the swelling started to go down.  However, it didn't vanish completely and I continued to use the Tucks pads until it did.  At two and half weeks I think I was finally able to move around "normally" and sufficiently enough to get things done without needing a break after a short while.  I'm still waiting on the stitches in my muscle to dissolve and have been taking sitz baths to help that along.  (Yes, mom you were right.)

      The other struggle I've had to deal with is breastfeeding.  I'm a strong advocate that breast milk is the best thing for babies.  So when I had to make the decision to let my baby have formula because she wasn't getting enough from me, I felt defeated.  I didn't even really realize that she wasn't getting enough from me until about a week ago.  All I understood from her cries was that she was still hungry after nursing for an hour or more.  My wonderful sister-in-law Celia let us have some of her frozen milk until my milk came in at first.  This came in handy almost immediately.  When Anna would scream for more food, we were left bewildered and relented into giving her formula and were grateful for Celia's milk to supplement with when needed.  The day after my mom went home, I had a two hour nursing session with Anna latching off and on.  I was frustrated with her, frustrated with myself, and all I could do was cry.  I no longer had my mom there and Ty was now back to work so I was on my own taking care of our baby.  I felt like nothing I did for my little girl was good enough.  Breastfeeding no longer seemed as appealing as it had before and I couldn't wait until it was over.

      The next day was Saturday and we could see that we were almost out of Celia's milk.  She offered us an open invitation to have more when we needed for as long as she could afford.  Bless her heart.  I will forever love her for helping us feed our Anna and I'm so grateful to have her as a sister.  Ty asked me if we needed to get more and I said yes, but that if he was going, I was going with him because I didn't want to be left alone for that long since I was still recovering.  So Sunday afternoon we headed to Othello and I was actually glad for the chance to get out of the house.  Other than our short trip to see Ginger for our 1 week appointment, I hadn't been out of the house, or even really seen outside, let alone make an hour long drive.  Not too long after we arrived, it was time for me to feed Anna.  This provided Ty's parents, as well as Nathan and Celia, an opportunity to see our struggle to keep her happily fed.  My mother-in-law, Cheryl, and Celia could sense my frustration and unhappiness and talked to me letting me know I was a good mother and that I was making good decisions for Anna.  I sobbed finally letting out my emotions that I had been bottling.  After some muscle testing from Rex, I felt better, though still frustrated with my situation.  Celia let me try her electric breast pump, but it didn't seem to work for me.  I had brought the hand pump we had purchased and I was able to get 2.5 oz. pumped after several hours since feeding Anna. Turns out the silicone massage cushion with petals is what makes the difference for me. This confirmed that I had a low milk supply and was why she wasn't getting full after nursing for so long.

      So, our chosen course has been this:  I pump every 2.5 hours, Anna eats a little more than every 2 hours getting whatever I've pumped, supplemented with formula and/or Celia's milk while we can.  We brought the issue up with my midwife and she gave me homeopathic drops to take twice a day to increase my supply.  I think they have been helping as I used to get only an ounce every 2 - 2.5 hours and I'm now up to 1.5 or a little more.  When I can remember I'm also drinking Mother's Milk tea and want to try a recipe for Lactation Boosting Cookies.  I will never turn down a recipe for cookies and if these can help me boost my milk supply then we are in business.  I'm still hoping to come back to breastfeeding.  I know it will prove to be difficult now that she's been using a bottle, but I have a plan of action for that as well so we'll see how it goes.  For now, I'm happy that my daughter is now well fed and almost back up to (if not already) her birth weight and is happy.  That's all a mother can ask for.

My First Homebirth Experience

      I was pretty sneaky posting those two pregnancy posts when I did. :) What can I say? Chronological order is important to me. Now that everything has happened, and I've finally been able to get on my computer, it's definitely time to document and share what I experienced and went through. The word surreal has been used by both Ty and myself, several times, to describe it all. I still feel as though I just woke up and all of a sudden there's a beautiful child in my responsibility.

      February 11th was my Estimated Due Date and when it came and went without any sign of labor I'll admit I was a little sad. At the beginning of the week I had felt and predicted she would come that week. However, we were very prepared for the unexpected.

Monday 2/13 3:00PM
      During my 40 week appointment, I had a cervical exam and found that I was 3cm dilated and 80-90% effaced. I knew all that uncomfortableness I had been "enjoying" wasn't just typical pregnancy discomfort.  We went home and I texted two of my sisters-in-law and my mom and all three were sure this baby would be coming very soon.  This had me excited, but I still didn't want to keep my hopes up for the possibility that things could still move slowly.

Tuesday 2/14 3:00AM
      At my 3 AM potty break, I lost my bloody show, but still knew that things could still take awhile to progress so I didn't get myself worked up.  This being Valentine's Day I really wasn't keen on having my baby born on a holiday, though everyone else seemed to think it a cute idea.  I'm really not sure that Valentine's Day would be that big of a deal, but I just wanted to avoid it if I could.  Fortunately for me, I went throughout the day without much happening.

6:00PM
      Ty and I went to Safeway before dinner to gather a few things and luckily it was a fairly short visit, but it felt like hours.  My feet hurt, my legs hurt and I simply felt like standing was a burden.  I couldn't wait to get back into the car so I could sit down.  We got back home and had our dinner and spent the rest of the night watching TV while I tried timing the few irregular contractions I had, but faded away.

Wednesday 2/15 3:30AM
      Once again I woke up to go to the bathroom at 3:30 AM and was unable to fall back asleep.  This wasn't unusual, but then I started feeling contractions again at about 5:30 AM, which can be best described as menstrual like cramps (this description is mostly for women as men will know nothing about this kind of pain).

7:00AM
      Contractions started to become more regular lasting for about one minute with roughly a 10 minute break in between.  Rest was now impossible to find.  As much as I had heard that I should try to rest because "you won't get any later", I couldn't.

12:00PM
Something I wanted to make sure of was that I was still getting enough protein and ate lunch.  Another thing that I wanted to do if this was the real deal was to take a shower.  Who knew when I'd be able to next?  About 1:00PM I talked with Ginger on the phone and let her know what had been going on within the last 24 (or more) hours.  I let her know what was happening with my contractions and from my description she derived that I was not yet in Active Labor since they changed with my activity.  For instance, I always felt a contraction when I got up from bed.  She said that she would be in my area later that day and if things drastically changed to give her a call.

2:00PM
      My contractions had become closer together and regular despite my changing positions.  Again, though I tried to relax and rest, I simply couldn't sleep.  I laid down and closed my eyes and despite my sleepiness, it never came.  Back labor had already started and at some point that was how I knew a contraction was beginning.  Starting in my back and then wrapping around to the front where I would start to feel the menstrual-like cramps.

4:15PM
      Up until this point, I had been upstairs, in our bedroom riding out each contraction trying to distract myself.  I finally decided I needed my husband with me and was ready to be comforted through the pain I was feeling.  Since he works in the basement and I had resigned myself to our bedroom two floors up, I gave him a quick call hoping he would be done soon.  Unfortunately, he still had some work to finish and then had his chiropractic appointment to get to after.  (Before you go judging, I absolutely wanted him to go to that appointment because he needs it and we really didn't know where I was at with labor.)  So, I continued to bear through the pain on my own and hoped the time would pass quickly so that I could have my companion

6:00PM
      Ty had come back home and though I was worried about jumping the gun, having just experienced a nine minute period of several waves of contractions on top of each other, I decided we should call Ginger and give her an update.  I had no desire to be on the phone so Ty did the calling for me while I went through another contraction.  Ginger made the decision to come since things were obviously progressing right along and instructed Ty to start filling the birth tub with hot water.  Oh my goodness!  This was getting serious.  :)  I remember Ty asking me if I was hungry and wanted any dinner, but a meal didn't sound great and I decided against it.  Looking back, I should have tried to nibble on some protein.

6:45PM
      Ginger had arrived!  I was surprised at her energy considering she had two births in a row in the two days previous.  When she got here she asked if I wanted a cervical check and I did.  I was about 8 cm dilated!  Um, holy cow.  What this meant to me was that I definitely knew my body and could trust my instincts.  Also, that in a short time, I would be holding my baby.  After the exam, I stopped keeping track of my contractions since I didn't see the point.  Now, I knew it was time to call my mom and let her know she needed to come.  I called her cellphone...no answer.  Gah!  Of all the times to not answer your phone, this was not a good one.  I called my parents house and my youngest brother answered and I asked where my parents were.  My mom was babysitting my brother's kids while my sister-in-law came to Tri-cities to pick up my brother from the airport and my dad was at work.  GAAAAHHH!!  Would my mom be able to make it in time?  Didn't they all know we were on Baby Watch 2012 here?!  Next, I called my dad and he answered.  Yes!  He asked what I was doing and as nonchalantly as possible, while enduring another contraction, I said, "Oh nothin'.  Just in labor and having a baby soon."  Just as calm he said that he guessed that meant that they needed to head our way.  My parents were able to leave my brother's kids with my grandma next door and were on their way.

7:30PM
      The tub had been filled, but the water was just a bit cold, though it still felt good to be in.  Ty spent a good amount of time emptying out water while we let the water heat back up and let a pot of water boil downstairs.  Once the hot water was put in and the temperature started to rise, it felt sooooo divine.  Then, a contraction came and I would assume position to let someone put pressure on my low back.  Being that I've had issues with my hips and alignment, I knew it was a strong possibility that I would have back labor, but that doesn't make it any less painful.  At some point Ty asked me if I wanted to watch a movie and I was all for any kind of distraction.  I decided on Get Smart and Ty set up the laptop so that I could watch it from the tub with everyone sitting around me.

 8:15PM
      Mom and Dad had arrived!  I was so glad to finally see my mommy.  I knew neither one of us wanted her to miss this and I wanted her support.  She laughed at us as she came in to see that we were watching a movie.  :) If anything it was keeping my spirits up.

8:30PM
      Even though my dad had brought my mom, I didn't want him upstairs since I wasn't very modest at the time.  However, one thing that was really important to me was that my dad would be there to assist Ty in giving me a Priesthood blessing.  I put on my robe and sat on the yoga ball while my mom and Ginger held my hands and braced my legs in case a contraction came and I could have something to resist against.  By now, I had started making noises to help me release tension during each contraction and was worried that I would ruin the spirit of it.  However, I felt so calm during the blessing and knew that I had my Heavenly Father with me and that everything would be fine.  I also had the love and support of family and my midwife and her assistant.  Knowing this helped to carry me through each contraction.  Though, I will fully admit that I understand the appeal of an epidural.

10:00PM?
      I'm kind of guessing on time a little bit here because I'm having trouble remembering.  After the blessing, I got back in the tub and I remember everyone finding things for me to snack on.  First, it was an Otter Pops (Ty asked me what kind I wanted and I really could have cared less.  Haha.  I just wanted it cold.), Applesauce (really glad I bought that the day before), and Vanilla Greek Yogurt for some protein.  During the process of my labor, every so often, Ginger or Marcile (the birth assistant) would use the doppler to read and monitor the baby's heartbeat.  She was doing so good.  I can't remember when (I think between 10:30 and 11:00), but Ginger asked me if I would like another exam to see how I was doing.  I said, yes and we moved to the bed.  I had now progressed to 9.5 cm and was fully effaced.  However, my water had yet to break and Ginger asked if I wanted her to try and do that.  I gave my consent, but my cervix was still posterior and the sac was so tough she was unable to do so.  So back in the lovely warm water I went.

      My contractions were increasingly more painful and the groans I had initially used had grown into yelling.  I was also growing more exhausted.  Remember, I had been awake since 3:30 AM with no sleep in between then and this point.  Though I wanted so badly to rest and sleep, the contractions prohibited me from either.  I remember saying that if I wasn't about to have a baby, I'd be getting the best sleep ever after such an intense workout. 

Thursday 2/16 12:15AM
      By now, through intermittent watching, the movie was over.  I was still in the tub, now really letting loose through the contractions.  I kept thinking my neighbors were going to call the police on us for domestic violence.  We hadn't told them our birth plans after all.  My midwife had finally made the brilliant decision to turn the light off in the room and letting the light from the other rooms give the little illumination we needed.  It was as if it changed my entire labor.  Suddenly, I felt like I could rest in between contractions.  And then, finally, I felt that sensation to push, which is similar to feeling like you are having a bowel movement.  I continued in the tub and during one of my breaks, Ty looked at his phone and showed me the time and announced that our baby would definitely be born on the 16th, the day before my birthday.  This is quite funny considering anyone who talked to me about her due date knew that I didn't want her to be born on my birthday.  It just figures that she wanted to be born the day before.  :)  Of course, I wasn't really laughing right then.

12:45AM?
      After pushing for awhile, I could tell that something was keeping me from progressing.  Not that anything was wrong, I just wasn't getting anywhere.  Ginger suggested trying to push while on the toilet because then that pushing feeling is more natural.  I figured it couldn't hurt and was worth a try, so I left the blissful warm water, though it had started getting cool, and headed into the bathroom.  In case you are wondering, I forgot about keeping up my dignity and pride long before and wasn't too concerned with "what it looked like".  Still, I must admit that because I was screaming my lungs out during each contraction I was still a little worried about what my neighbors would think of me.  Not enough, to keep me from belting it out though.

      This position of pushing while on the toilet seat was definitely making a difference.  I could feel my baby girl moving down into the birth canal.  Ginger said that if I wanted I could reach down and feel the head, since she thought that my water had broken while I had been in the tub.  I reached down and felt something, but it didn't feel like the head.  I described it to Ginger and my water had in fact NOT broken.  Once again, Ginger tried to break it and this time succeeded.  Now we were back in business.  I felt for her head again and then felt something quite different than before and knew it was her little head.  Ginger asked if I wanted to deliver in the bathroom or if I wanted to go back to the tub and I really wasn't sure.  In the end, I decided to stay in the bathroom since I couldn't imagine moving and so awkwardly.

1:15AM
      Pushing was really progressing and everyone (except Ty, who stood in front of me while I clutched his hands during the contractions for support) was getting things together in preparation.  Suddenly, I felt the Ring of Fire, though I don't know that I would have called it a ring, but there was definite burning.  Ginger came into our small, narrow bathroom and instructed me to get off of the toilet and go down to the ground on all fours and asked Ty if he wanted to catch the baby.  He said sure, but I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into.  :)  I love hearing his perspective, so I'm going to let him share what he got to experience first.

Ty's Version:
      It's a difficult thing to see someone you love in pain and not be able to do anything about it.  I did my best to stay by Jenny's side, to try to comfort her as best i could, and to meet her needs in any way possible.  Mostly that meant applying pressure to her back during contractions and hauling boiling water up the stairs to keep the tub warm.  When the tub got too full I would scoop the water into a mop bucket with a pot and then empty it in the tub.  It was a long, slow process and my back and legs paid the price, but it felt good to be able to contribute in some way.

      Once we moved to the bathroom, I could tell things were getting close.  I tried to stay close to Jenny to support her any way I could while still staying out of Ginger's way.  Jenny would have preferred to return to the tub for the actual birth, but things were happening to fast and I think she just wanted to get it over so she delivered on the floor in the bathroom.  There isn't a lot of room in there.  Ginger and I were behind her while her mom and Marcile were in front.  Now that things were really getting down to business, I was ready to just get out of the way and let Ginger do her thing.  She had a different idea.  While helping Jenny to get situated she asks me, quite casually like it was no big deal, if I wanted to catch the baby.  I wasn't expecting this and didn't really understand what all that implied, but I said, "Sure".

      I could see Anna's head just starting to emerge.  It didn't look like I expected, though Ginger had explained how it all worked.  It was small and wrinkly and, it may sound insensitive, but I remember thinking that it didn't look human at all.  As the head came out a little bit further, Ginger told me to put my hand under her head and to put a little pressure downward on the back.  On the next push, her chin and mouth popped out.  It was beautiful and a little unsettling at the same time.  She still looked doll-like, not really alive.  With the next push, her arm came out with the rest of her head.  I was able to grab her by the body now and Ginger said to go ahead and pull her the rest of the way out.  What had been a strange, foreign thing was now a beautiful, screaming baby girl.  I was surprised at how strong she was as I held her there on the bathroom floor.  I had been expecting a small, fragile baby but she was big!  and strong!  Then Ginger had me slide her forward to her mother, leaving me quite dazed and overwhelmed.  It had been a long, stressful night, but it had been worth it!

My Version:
      The burning was intense and was more so when I pushed.  I had no desire to  continue with that feeling, but knew that this baby was only coming out one way.  Through the encouragement of my midwife, her birth assistant, my husband, and my mom I pushed past the pain and felt her little head emerge.  The hardest part was over, at least that's what it felt like to me.  With another push, the rest of her body seemed to just slide out.  Anna (pronounced Aw-nah) Renee was born at 1:29AM on February the 16th of 2012.  Immense relief overwhelmed me and I hung on my mom while I cried with joy that it was over and also at the sound of my baby's cry.  Ty slid her underneath me and I picked up my brand new daughter and held her against me.  I couldn't believe it.  I had just given birth.  She was beautiful and complete.  Four years of waiting for this little person and she was finally here.  The word "surreal" was used multiple times following her birth.

      Once I had her in my arms, it was time to move to the bed where an older sheet and a cover where put to protect it from getting anything on it.  The chux pad that was underneath me during her birth was folded up and held by Ginger and Marcile and we somewhat awkwardly made our way to the bed.  I continued to hold my little sweetheart while I delivered the placenta.  At 1:35AM I was technically, now, considered not pregnant.  Ty then cut the umbilical chord and the placenta was examined where all was found to be normal.  During the delivery, I sustained a minor 2nd degree tear.  Mostly it was just skin, but there was a small amount of muscle that tore.  I also managed to have some swelling.  Ginger numbed me and stitched me up.  I believe that she said I had 11 stitches total.  Four for the muscle and seven for the skin.

      After I was cleaned and stitched up, I was able to feed Anna. My dad had been downstairs the whole time, though I think he might have fallen asleep.  I finished feeding her and my dad came upstairs and helped measure her and then she was weighed.  She was 8lbs. 15oz. and 21.5 inches long.  Her head circumference was 35cm.  I knew she was a big baby!  Dad got to hold her before he had to leave for home.  Finally, everything was taken care of and cleaned up, I laid down with my baby Anna next to me and slept.  FINALLY!